Mark Goldman's Eulogy for Sue

We are all grateful for the wonderful eulogy Mark Goldman delivered at the service for Sue yesterday.  The entire service was moving and profound, so fitting for the person we were all honoring and bidding farewell to.  I will post the program of the service here soon.  Meanwhile, here is Mark's eulogy:

 The dictionary defines the word unforgettable as remarkable in a way that cannot be forgotten.   Martha Sue Felin Spreitler Boaz was truly unforgettable.  She never understood how unforgettable she was.  She was always so surprised that people at the hospital, BJEC, the casinos or any of the restaurants we frequented always remembered her.

I first met mom when she broke up a fight Scott and I were having on the way home from school when we were in kindergarten.     I obviously did not know then what kind of impact she would have on my life for the next 43 years. 

I am not sure when Scott and Ding’s friends started calling her mom, but it just became a natural thing for us.  That is who she was.  This was always confusing for her neighbors at the lake because they never knew who her real children were.   One of the neighbors even asked “just how many kids does that lady have?”  My own mother, who knew her as Sue for a long time, refers to her as mom. 

I could spend all day talking about how unfair it was for her to have had to live the last twelve years of her life in the manner that she did.  But, you know, I would rather talk today about the incredible strength she showed throughout her life.

Her strength began building early when as the 7^th of 8 children; she lost her father while she was just a toddler.  She mentioned many times how she marveled at her mother’s strength in raising a big family by herself.  When Mom was 15 she moved in with Uncle Pete in Idaho for a year because 15 year olds could get a driver’s license in Idaho at the time.  After high school she would again show her independence and burgeoning strength by moving across the country to Spokane, where her oldest brother Bernie lived, to begin a long career with GMAC.  A couple of years later she got the opportunity to transfer back to St. Louis with GMAC where she was interviewed by Brick Speitler.

Mom and Brick would soon fall in love and start their family in South St Louis.  In the early 70s they moved to Maryland Heights to the Glenlea house as mom always referred to it.  My mother called on her for Welcome Wagon.

A few years later Mom showed herculean strength when she lost Brick and became a widow with two small children at the age of 31.  Can you imagine that?

Not only did she have to fulfill the role of mother and father while working full time, she also had to become a full time labor mediator between Scott and Ding.  She had to solve such disputes as what constituted mowing half the lawn or whose turn it was to con me into doing some of their chores.  That role alone took unbelievable strength.

In the early 80s she purchased the Lake house.  She always claimed that it was blind luck that she choose such a perfect house in even a more perfect location but I think that was another example of her selling herself short.  When we were all teenagers or in our early twenties we were rarely invited to the Lake but we certainly enjoyed her visits there.  Although one time she said she was going to the Lake and instead she went to dinner and came back to the Glenlea house that was packed with Ding’s friends.  Luckily Scott and I were away at college then so we were spared her wrath.

Eventually she started inviting us down for one week each summer in the early 90s.  She called it Kids week and she completely and totally pampered us for a week.  She cooked all the meals, packed our coolers with food and drinks so we could spend all day on the boat and she even washed and folded any clothes we left lying around. 

After some big work sessions our invitation became an open one and she still pampered us every time we came to the lake. 

She was always happiest at the Lake   She loved watching her Cardinals and singing along with the classic country channel, she knew all the words to every song.  She loved to have a full house    especially when there were little ones there.  “The more the merrier” she would always say.  She loved to sit out on the deck and laugh at our stories or to shock us with some of the funny stories she would tell.   She would always catch us off guard with her quick wit.  She really wanted to know what was going on with all of us.   One of the truest things I ever heard about the Lake house came from Dug and Suz’s son Lukas when he was 4 or 5 years old.  Suz pointed to the Lake as they drove over the dam and Luke said that is not the lake, Granny’s house is the Lake.

It was not until after she got sick and it took several of us to keep the house going during a big weekend that we realized all things she did for us.

As much strength as she showed in her earlier life, it pales in comparison to the strength she showed dealing with mysterious illness she struggled through the last dozen years.  Quite simply, she just kept going.  Through all of the tests, the spinal taps, the experimental meds and treatments she just kept burrowing through to try to get better.   There were steps forward and big steps back but she kept battling.    She did not like being dependant on us but she knew she had to be.  She learned to adapt to her situation, she grudgingly accepted our help and she tried to live as normally as she could

In the coming days weeks months and years we will tell stories about mom aka Granny, Aunt Sue, Sis, Sue and laugh about the great times and to a much lesser extent lament the not so great.  I started off by talking about how unforgettable of a person mom was.  She had a profound effect on everyone she came into contact with and while she never really could comprehend that we all know how her wit, wisdom compassion and most of strength affected us all.